Dr. Kenneth Ray Stubbs on energy orgasms

Some people have called it sacred sexuality.  Some have called it energetic sexuality, where sexuality is a way of expanding our awareness, our sense of connection with God/Goddess, and our beloved is a representation of a deity.  It is a way of connecting with the energies throughout the universe, and having a cosmic orgasm.

I even think there are four different bodies that can have orgasms.  They have very different experiences associated with them. What I call a light body orgasm is like an energetic explosion that does not require erection or sexual arousal, although it may concur with a sexual activity.  It can be an explosion in the center of the head, in the chest, in the pelvis area or some people call it a full body orgasm.  When one has this type of orgasm it is throughout the whole physical body, and even extends beyond that.

Those of us who are just focusing on having intercourse or oral/genital or manual/genital activity are most likely to have what we would call a sexual orgasm.  They are absolutely wonderful but from an esoteric point of view there are other types of orgasms, which may or may not coincide with sexual activity.  Yet they still feel explosive or some sort of a connection that I would say are generating experiences.  In a moment, I will tell you about why I call that sacred.  But I am thinking about different types of orgasms that aren't even considered as orgasms by some people.  But most people don't even have these other types of esoteric experiences.

I think they can be achieved easily once you learn how to do it.  Some people use intense breathing.  Some people use breathing and different body postures or breathing and massage.  The way that I focus on it is simply sending energy to a partner and a partner sending energy back. My first ones were in conjunction with intense breathing.  I thought I was passing out.  It was like an explosion in my head.  There was nothing happening with my genitals.  It wasn't even in a sexual context, but it sure felt like an orgasm, though I did not have an erection.  And I did not have an ejaculation.  It had a different type of pleasure to it.

See, we live in a culture where the physical and, I would say the spiritual and the profane, or the spirit and the flesh, the sacred and the secular are considered not only different, but in opposition.  It's really hard to think something that is associated with a sexual activity, called orgasm, could be had by a celibate mystic, such as St. Teresa of Avila, about the 15th or 16th century in Spain. 

She was having all these energetic experiences.  Her body was moving and she was doing cartwheels of different descriptions.  The first time I heard about that I thought, “Oh, she's having an orgasm.”  This is many years ago and I kept hearing things and hearing ideas, and I began to put it together. This is not uncommon to mystics. 

But within a religious context in which so much of us have grown up in where sexuality is not a part of our spiritual expression, it is antithetical.  It would be hard to think of something like that as having sex with God, as being sex.  So we need to draw that paradigm that the sexual and the spiritual are in opposition.  We have to realize that there have been many cultures throughout humankind that have incorporated ceremonial sexuality and orgasms as a part of the divine expression.

If we go to a church like the Pentecostal church today, where people get happening and really rocking and rolling and getting in the groove with the primordial beat from the organ and the piano.  People are singing and shouting.  The minister is saying something and the audience is singing back.  Huh, huh, huh.  I've seen this happen, where someone just flops out and falls on the floor, shaking all over.  People come over and fan this person who has fallen down.  They help him or her back to their feet.

They say they really caught the spirit.  Well, that most likely, and I have seen this happen, in a traditional Christian religious context, some people would call this an orgasm, where the person had a pelvic floor contraction at the same time.  Or they had what I call a light body orgasm.  It's hard to say.  But those explosive moments could indeed be considered orgasms.

But these are only two of the four types of orgasms that I think about.
I am proposing that sexual orgasms, and these other explosive types of what I call light body orgasms the way I have just described, actually generate an energy that these other bodies can use, which enables us to be more and more aware of the divine, in each other, in other dimensions.

But basically, this is a very common practice that is taught in a lot of Tantra seminars where you sit or lie across from your partner.  You can gaze into your partner's eyes.  You go into breathing in unison.  But the whole idea is that without doing physical movement, without having explosive, lusty, passionate interaction with your partner, you take the time to just be with your partner. 

This is very common in certain types of meditation seminars.  It's a way of beginning to have what I call spirit/body orgasm, which is not explosive.  But you have a sense of your energy fields literally becoming one with each other and expanding. 

When I do this with a person and they are doing it in reciprocation with me, whether they are sexual partners or not, I perceive, after a little bit of time it's almost as if there is an energy field on a balloon around each one of us.  And it expands outward to encompass the other person’s energy field. It feels like soft cotton candy.  Like we are in this cotton candy balloon.  The energies are very soft. 

But that is still what I would call a spirit/body orgasm.  That is my languaging.  That is an energy generating process.  But, in terms of a practical sense of making love with someone, it brings us into being very present with each other, dropping the world, honoring and feeling connected to the person, slowing down.  Then you might then move into more what we consider a sexual interaction with the physical bodies coming together -touching, smelling, tasting, caressing each other to the point, perhaps of having orgasms or multiple orgasms or multiple ejaculations for that matter.

My perspective is that your partner is there and you gradually hold the intent of expanding your energy field to encompass theirs, not just staring in their eyes, not just breathing in unison, but it really focuses on the intent to expand your energy. You want to send energy to your partner. And, of course to perceive your partner's energy being expanded to include you. 

While we are meditating with our partner, sending energy, in a sense, to our partner, and it is reciprocal, we also have the sense of “I am a one with all that is” or oneness.  We have a sense of, as we make love, I am making love to all of existence.  This is hard to fathom, given again that we think about sexuality as something that is antithetical to our religious spiritual experiences.

But in many cultures, where they have similar sexuality, they call on the deity to provide abundant crops, for example.  And I see that sexuality and orgasm are incredibly powerful catalyses for our, what we called spiritual development.  The dance of energies in an intimate sexual context with another is available to us in all parts of our lives.

Now that can be really heavy for some people, because that sounds like you're having sex with anybody and everybody.  Well, the truth is, energetically that is happening.  We are energetically connected with people that we feel good about, negative about, people that we are working with in the work place, people who we have as friends, and when we are having a beer at the bar, when we are in a seminar, when we are meditating in a circle, we are energy dancers.

Learning to do this energy dance in a very intense way with sexuality with a sexual partner is one of the most powerful and effective ways to learn how to dance with energy.  Then we can take that out into other parts of our life.

What I am calling a soul/body orgasm has been the most elusive of the four general types of orgasm about which I am talking.  With the spirit/body orgasm, I feel a oneness, a merging energy with another person.

If it also expands, and I feel like I am connecting with all that is, that's when I am going to begin to understand how the two are different.  Both of them are very subtle.  They are not explosive, earth shattering, volcanic type orgasms.  They can be in conjunction with an explosive type of orgasm.  I think that takes more and more meditation and ceremonial practice of sexuality to experience that.

But it is like I am with another person.  We are sending energy to each other.  But there is a sense that my energies are listening to, feeling everything in all of existence.  That's the best language I can give.  It's far beyond my partner and myself.  I'm not talking about going into a deeply altered state, where I don't recall anything happening.  I'm talking about feeling like I am here and I am everywhere.

It's a very, very expensive type feeling.  It is subtle.  And it is sweet.

Full interview here: http://podcasts.personallifemedia.com/podcasts/230-expanded-lovemaking/episodes/3029-sacred-

Karezza is not “regular sex” but without the orgasm.

Karezza is a gentle, affectionate form of intercourse in which orgasm is not the goal, and ideally does not occur in either partner while making love.

During a lengthy period of perfect control, the whole being of each is merged into the other, and an exquisite exaltation experienced. This may be accompanied by a quiet motion, entirely under subordination of the will, so that the thrill of passion for either may not go beyond a pleasurable exchange. Stockham

Our emphasis is on affection, and we stay well away from the edge of orgasm. If we sense ourselves slipping into performance mode while making love, we pull ourselves back into relaxation with deeper, longer breaths. This relaxes our abdominal breathing and reverses the increase in muscular tension and the urge to restrict breathing that coincide with the buildup to orgasm.

Regular, “heat ‘em up” foreplay doesn’t work very well with Karezza

Typical foreplay is geared toward heating yourself and your partner up with orgasm as the goal. The pleasures of Karezza, however, do not rely on the rewards that come from approaching one’s own orgasm or inducing it in a lover. They depend on the rewarding feelings that come from mutual adoration and generous touch (bonding behaviors). Initially Karezza therefore feels all wrong. It seems too non-goal-oriented and relaxed. When I first explained it to my husband, he couldn’t believe his ears: “A woman who is asking me to do less?”

So, without standard foreplay, what do we do when we get in bed with each other?

It worked best to begin intercourse in a position that did not allow for much movement. Even so, it was extremely easy to escalate into good old, familiar sex as we added intercourse to our nightly affection. One strategy my husband and I now use is to make sure we put “snuggle nights” in between “intercourse nights.” Snuggle nights are useful refresher courses for our nervous systems. Even a little bit of cuddling offers a taste of relaxed satisfaction with no goal whatsoever. When we next have intercourse it is easier to stay in the tranquil mindset ideal for Karezza.

As far as actual intercourse goes, we move far more slowly than we did during conventional sex. In addition, we fall into total stillness frequently while making love. Some of the most gratifying and profound experiences occur when not moving. As a result, our lovemaking goes in waves, somewhat like breathing. Erections also come and go—and arise again when we start kissing after a pause. (Visit Karezza Korner for comments by other couples about their experiences.)It worked best to begin intercourse in a position that did not allow for much movement. Even so, it was extremely easy to escalate into good old, familiar sex as we added intercourse to our nightly affection. One strategy my husband and I now use is to make sure we put “snuggle nights” in between “intercourse nights.” Snuggle nights are useful refresher courses for our nervous systems. Even a little bit of cuddling offers a taste of relaxed satisfaction with no goal whatsoever. When we next have intercourse it is easier to stay in the tranquil mindset ideal for Karezza.

We kiss and gaze into each other’s eyes a lot. We also let each other know how loved we feel with wordless sounds of pleasure and reverent, or playful, touch—depending upon our mood. Sometimes we make a conscious effort to diffuse the sexual energy from our genitals throughout our bodies by tightening the muscles of our pelvic floor and breathing the energy up. Sometimes when we close our eyes we notice flashing lights in the third-eye region of the forehead. Sometimes we use the technique of completely relaxing our pelvic muscles, as advised by Michael and Diana Richardson.

We make love in very comfortable positions, where our weight is supported with a minimum of tension. Side-lying position, with my legs wrapped around him, is a favorite. We also sometimes fall asleep connected, which makes waking up especially enjoyable. Because we never “finish,” we’ve noticed that a flirty energy continues to flow outside the bedroom.

With Karezza you ease your sexual tension without resorting to orgasm. Dr. Lloyd wrote that Karezza leads to complete dissipation of congestion, complete discharge of nervous surplus, complete relief from sexual tension, and more complete satisfaction than orgasm.

Using Karezza’s gentle intercourse, we discovered that we can make love for as long as we need to until any sexual tension melts away entirely—as long as we don’t fall back into hungry behavior, or begin fighting ourselves by going close to the edge of orgasm. During lovemaking, the emphasis is on stillness and heart-centered feelings. If the energy begins to build into goal-oriented sensations, we simply relax back into stillness.

The feelings during these quiet periods can be especially profound, as if we have entered a timeless cocoon of delighted contentment.

I experience what I think of as a “soul orgasm.” It isn’t connected to reproductive sex in any way. It can be produced even without sex, although sex is a great way to produce it. As we gently make love, I imagine us both in a glowing ball of light. I feel as if our spirits have merged. For hours after this kind of sex session, if I think of my wife, the feeling of deep love refills me, just as if I were back in bed having sex. —Todd

Flirting with “the edge” can increase frustration, even if no one climaxes. Frustration equates with high dopamine, and when dopamine goes too high it can lead to tension, resentment, and subsequent cravings. Going too close to orgasm can also build congestion in the genitals, which may cause sharp pains.

I just couldn’t believe how effortless Karezza was. This man described it perfectly:

For a long time I’d been doing Taoist-style sex with my wife with good results—using exercises, lovemaking techniques, and energy visualizations. However, I decided to set it aside temporarily to learn more about Karezza. The first thing I noticed was that Karezza got the same results as my old Taoist practices. But Karezza required no specialized energy work. All I did was to remain nearly still while engaged in sex and breathed slow, deep breaths. I did nothing else. Anyone could do Karezza.

I soon started to sense another feeling that I didn’t recognize—a deep, satisfying feeling. I guess it was the oxytocin, the cuddle hormone. It feels like peace and love all mixed up together—a sensation of being in love with life. —Larry

Karezza works because bonding behaviors work. In fact, Karezza is itself a delicious, intimate, soothing bonding behavior. There is nothing mysterious about this, even though its effectiveness in relieving sexual tension may strike you as remarkable after you master it.

There was a warm glow in the area between our navels and pubic hairline that just demanded that we lie there together motionless to feel the gentle warmth it was radiating. This went on for twenty to thirty “timeless” minutes. Then slowly we inched toward nuzzling in the genital area. Very slowly we got to having intercourse sideways and it was amazing—lots of wetness to make it easy, and lots of control so no frenzy by either. We were both amazed and so loving in the stillness. It is a truly incredible experience. R. is delighted and feels so pleased that he didn’t feel the need to come, which has been a big concern for him. It was such a powerful, loving experience. —Gina

Sometimes Karezza is just pleasant, gentle intercourse that leaves us refreshed and more balanced. Sometimes it’s an amazing, heart-opening experience for which we can hardly find words. The outcome is not in our control. All we can do is keep our biologically driven habits out of the way, and enjoy what bubbles up. Striving is counterproductive. We focus on comforting each other, not fanning sexual hunger.Karezza’s effects are subtle and cumulative

Karezza can be a bit like watching paint dry at first—albeit with the added joys of a companion and an increasing sense of well-being. It does not produce rapid, obvious results (as, for example, a new foreplay technique might). Instead its effects are cumulative. We needed several weeks of pleasant, but patient, consistency to see why we had made the effort to try it. During that time, we experienced a growing sense of empowerment, optimism, and connectedness with others. We felt as if we were “in the flow.” Yet these changes seemed so natural (and well-deserved), that it was easy to miss the link between cause and effect.

The Karezza way doesn't require climax by either man or woman, since it emphasizes intimacy, harmony, and unity. It also takes a lot of practice to make it work right, and the couple wishing to practice Karezza should be patient. It takes time to harmonize energy fields, emotions, rhythms, and responses between two persons. Expect to practice at least a dozen times before you begin to see increasingly delightful results. —Bernard Jensen, MD

Karezza is a return to equilibrium. The energy it produces is not “edgy,” but rather lighthearted. With or without clothes, it feels more like two dolphins frolicking. We tend to laugh a lot, to find just the right times to make love, and to enjoy hugging or touching each other at other times.

You need to try Karezza for at least three weeks to be in a position to compare the benefits with conventional sex. Otherwise you may not taste what life is like beyond the ups and downs of the post-orgasmic passion cycle.

We often learn the most about Karezza from our inadvertent departures from it. We never “go for” orgasm, but it happens occasionally. It’s the perfect reminder of why we stick with this practice. During the two weeks after an orgasm, we notice a temporary dimming of good feelings, and we are always delighted when, like clockwork, we come back into sync at the end of the cycle.

You may believe that you will feel more frustrated the longer you avoid orgasm. Yet if you experiment carefully with Karezza, using lots of relaxation and generous affection, you are likely to find that this is not true.

I have experienced great feelings of well-being after non-orgasmic sex over long periods of time. The contact with the person becomes the orgasm, the sexual contact becomes the orgasm, and then there is no need for orgasm. —Mike

In our experience, there was surprisingly little inner conflict while learning Karezza, as long we took a gradual approach and remembered to wallow luxuriantly in the soothing pleasures of touch and connection. As Karezza lovers we grow more balanced and therefore more sensitive to every pleasurable nuance. Certainly, we have done a lot more giggling and enjoyed a lot more harmony.

Above all, Karezza teaches us to put each other first. See Karezza FAQs or visit Karezza Recent Posts. You can also learn more about Karezza from these two free books by A. B. Stockham, MD and J. W. Lloyd, MD. Also see Bernard Jensen MD’s suggestions for Karezza lovemaking, and this interview with Stanley Bass about his book: Energy Karezza.

https://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/what_is_karezza