A (Rollo) May quotes

"Anxiety has a purpose. Originally the purpose was to protect the existence of the caveman from wild beasts and savage neighbors. Nowadays the ocassions for anxiety are very different - we are afraid of losing out in the competition, feeling unwanted, isolated, and ostracized. But the purpose of anxiety is still to protect us from dangers that threaten the same things: our existence or values that we identify with our existence. This normal anxiety of life cannot be avoided except at the price of apathy or the numbing of one's sensibilities and imagination."

"Tenderness emerges from the fact that the two persons, longing, as all individuals do, to overcome the separateness and isolation to which we are all heir because we are individuals, can participate in a relationship that, for the moment, is not of two isolated selves but a union"

"Because it is possible to create — creating one’s self, willing to be one’s self, as well as creating in all the innumerable daily activities (and these are two phases of the same process) — one has anxiety. One would have no anxiety if there were no possibility whatever. Now creating, actualizing one’s possibilities, always involves negative as well as positive aspects. It always involves destroying the status quo, destroying old patterns within oneself, progressively destroying what one has clung to from childhood on, and creating new and original forms and ways of living. If one does not do this, one is refusing to grow, refusing to avail himself of his possibilities; one is shirking his responsibility to himself. Hence refusal to actualize one’s possibilities brings guilt toward one’s self. But creating also means destroying the status quo of one’s environment, breaking the old forms; it means producing something new and original in human relations as well as in cultural forms (e.g., the creativity of the artist). Thus every experience of creativity has its potentiality of aggression or denial toward other persons in one’s environment or established patterns within one’s self. To put the matter figuratively, in every experience of creativity something in the past is killed that something new in the present may be born. Hence, for Kierkegaard, guilt feeling is always a concomitant of anxiety: both are aspects of experiencing and actualizing possibility. The more creative the person, he held, the more anxiety and guilt are potentially present."

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before."

the persons who get to the consulting rooms of psychotherapists and psychoanalysts are not a cross-section of the population. By and large they are the ones for whom the conventional pretenses and defenses of the society no longer work. Very often they are the more sensitive and gifted members of the society; they need to get help, broadly speaking, because they are less successful at rationalizing than the “well-adjusted” citizen who is able for the time being to cover up his underlying conflicts."

Devaluereren

Når idealisten bemerker alt som ikke er fullkomment er han selv langt fra idealistisk.

Når han ikke bruker sin evne til å se mangler til å gjøre verden mer fullkommen (ikke bare klage og tro det hjelper) er han selv like smålig som det han ser.

Når han bare ser mangler må han føle seg veldig tom innvendig. Alt mister sin verdi i og omkring han.

"Jeg savner kjærlige meldinger", sier du, "ønsker ikke så mye alvor og spørsmål". Ser du ikke sammenhengen mellom alvoret og deg? Du forventer bekreftelser selv om du selv devaluerer. All din skepsis fører til at du møter skepsis.  

Savner du kjærlighet gi den der det er behov. Ikke der du selv ønsker den. Se utover dine egne behov.

http://www.webpsykologen.no/artikler/de-som-alltid-er-negative/ 

Shaktipat

When the guru and disciple are linked, then the gurus' power automatically flows to the disciple. This is shaktipat - the transmission of high frequency waves from guru to disciple. When the guru transmits a little of his own shakti to the disciple's mooladhara, kundalini feels a pull. But that pull is not an actual awakening. Kundalini gets a little scratch and it frowns. That frowning is the experience of shaktipat. The body trembles as sushumna becomes activated. The whole nervous system jerks and the disciple goes, 'Oh, Ou, Ah'. The eyes go up into automatic shambhavi, and the disciple begins to dance like Kali. It is really very funny sometimes. After guru gives his blessings, kundalini gets addicted to frowning. Everyday when the disciple sits for japa or meditation, the whole body starts shaking.

This experience of shaktipat can take place at any distance whether in the presence of guru or from afar. Distance is not a barrier. Distance relates to time and space; it does not relate to the transcendental state. Time and space are created by the mind. But if there is no mind, there can be no time and no space. It is something like Einstein's theory of relativity. So the transmission of guru's energy is not dependent on time and space. However, it is necessary that the guru and disciple are linked, that the guru's power automatically goes to the disciple. As long as guru and disciple retain their separate individuality, shaktipat does not take place.

There is a type of innocent aspirant who can easily accept this process of linking, and when he is in the presence of the guru this link is established automatically. Then the powerful thought waves, energy waves and spiritual waves of the gum pass through that link to the disciple. These energy waves go straight down to mooladhara chakra and there they disturb the sleeping kundalini. The nature of kundalini is not sattwic; it is tamasic. If you do not wake up kundalini, it will remain dormant, not only for one lifetime but for many lifetimes together. The nature of sushumna, the channel through which kundalini ascends, is also tamasic. So when guru and disciple are linked, and the energy waves of the guru pass through the disciple, they go straight to mooladhara chakra where they disturb the sleeping kundalini.

The next important point which should be understood is that shaktipat can take place through the medium of an object. For example, the guru can send you a mala and when you receive it shakipat is transmitted. Shaktipat can come through a magnetised flower, a scarf or anything that the guru may send you. This is why disciples go to the guru and request him to give his dhoti or some garment and they give him another in return- it is a custom which is still honoured today. When the disciple sits for meditation, he puts on this robe and it has an effect. So there are many ways of transmitting the power of guru to disciple.

Some disciples receive instant shaktipat, while others never receive it, because they are insulated. Even a wretched sinner can have shaktipat. However, the one type of person who is totally insulated from shaktipat is the intellectual- he who thinks he knows everything, but has experienced nothing.

The type of aspirant who receives shaktipat most easily is the one who is innocent and childlike. Such disciples who accept the gum completely are like copper wires. Copper wire is more efficient than zinc. Likewise, the guru and disciple must have the copper link. It requires a lot of faith, love, surrender and childlike simplicity, but the result is wondrous.

Ganga river has plenty of water but in order to take it away, you need a suitable container. If you bring only a one litre bottle, you will get only one litre of water. If you bring a barrel, you can take away a barrel of water. You can't say that the water supply is limited; it is only your vessel which is limited. Likewise, shaktipat is really nothing but the transmission of the guru's infinite energy waves. If the disciple is open and ready, there is no limit to which the guru can fill him.

(Recorded during a satsang by Swami Satyanada Sarawsati in London on 6.4.82)

Experiences on awakening kundalini

During meditation you behold divine visions, experience divine smell, divine taste, divine touch, hear divine Anahata Sounds. You receive instructions from God. These indicate that the Kundalini Shakti has been awakened. When there is throbbing in Muladhara, when hair stands on its root, when Uddiyana, Jalandhara and Mulabandha come involuntarily, know that Kundalini has awakened.

When the breath stops without any effort, when Kevala Kumbhaka comes by itself without any exertion, know that Kundalini Shakti has become active. When you feel currents of Prana rising up to the Sahasrara, when you experience bliss, when you repeat Om automatically, when there are no thoughts of the world in the mind, know that Kundalini Shakti has awakened.

When, in your meditation, the eyes become fixed on Trikuti the middle of the eyebrows, when the Sambhavi Mudra operates, know that Kundalini Shaktihas become active. When you feel vibrations of Prana in different parts inside your body, when you experience jerks like the shocks of electricity, know that Kundalini has become active. During meditation when you feel as if there is no body, when your eyelids become closed and do not open in spite of your exertion, when electric-like currents flow up and down the nerves, know that Kundalini has awakened.

When you meditate, when you get inspiration and insight, when the nature unfolds its secrets to you, all doubts disappear, you understand clearly the meaning of the Vedic texts/scriptures , know that Kundalini has become active. When your body becomes light like air, when you possess inexhaustible energy for work, know that Kundalini has become active.

When you get divine intoxication, when you develop power of oration, know that Kundalini has awakened. When you involuntarily perform different Asanas or poses of Yoga without the least pain or fatigue, know that Kundalini has become active. When you compose beautiful sublime hymns and poetry involuntarily, know that Kundalini has become active

Ref : yoga-kundalini upanishad , kundalini yoga ( Sivananda)

Swami Satyanada Sarawsati on kundalini tantra

Everybody should know something about kundalini as it represents the coming consciousness of mankind. Kundalini is the name of a sleeping dormant potential force in the human organism and it is situated at the root of the spinal column. In the masculine body it is in the perineum, between the urinary and excretory organs. In the female body its location is at the root of the uterus, in the cervix. This center is known as mooladhara chakra and it is actually a physical structure. It is a small gland which you can even take out and press. However, kundalini is a dormant energy, and even if you press it, it will not explode.

To awaken kundalini you must prepare yourself through yogic techniques. You must practise asanas, pranayama, meditation or receive shaktipat from a guru . Then, when you are able to force your prana into the seat of kundalini, the energy wakes up and makes its way through sushumna nadi, the central nervous canal, to the brain. As kundalini ascends, it passes through each of the chakras which are interconnected with the different silent areas of the brain. With the awakening of kundalini there is an explosion in the brain as the dormant or sleeping areas start blossoming like flowers. Therefore, kundalini can be equated with the awakening of the silent areas of the brain.

Although kundalini is said to reside in mooladhara chakra, we are all at different stages of evolution, and in some of us kundalini may have already reached swadhisthana, manipura or anahata chakra. If this is so, whatever sadhana you do now might start an awakening in anahata or some other chakra. However, awakening of kundalini in mooladhara chakra is one thing, and awakening in sahasrara, the highest center of the brain, is another.

Once the multipetalled lotus of sahasrara blossoms, a new consciousness dawns. Our present consciousness is not independent, as the mind depends on the information supplied by the senses. If you have no eyes, you can never see; if you are deaf, you will never hear. However, when the superconsciousness emerges, experience becomes completely independent and knowledge also becomes completely independent.

HOW MAN DISCOVERED

Right from the beginning of creation, man witnessed many transcendental happenings. Sometimes he was able to read the thoughts of others, he witnessed somebody else’s predictions coming true, or he may even have seen his own dreams manifesting into realities. He pondered over the fact that some people could write inspiring poems of compose beautiful music whereas others couldn’t; one person could fight on the battlefield for days together and another person couldn’t even get up from his bed. So he wanted to discover why everybody seemed to be different.

In the course of his investigations, man came to understand that within every individual there is a special form of energy. He saw that in some people it was dormant, in others it was evolving and in a very small minority of people, it was actually awakened. Originally, man named this energy after gods, goddesses, angels or divinities. Then he discovered prana and called it prana shakti. In tantra they called it kundalini.

VARIOUS NAMES

In Sanskrit, Kundal means a coil, and so kundalini has been described as ‘that which is coiled’. This is the traditional belief; but it has been incorrectly understood. The word Kundalini actually comes from the word kunda, meaning ‘a deeper place, pit or cavity’. The fire used in the ceremony of initiation is kindled in a pit called kunda. Similarly, the place where a dead body is burned is kunda. If you dig a ditch or a hole it is called kunda. Kunda refers to the concave cavity in which the brain, resembling a coiled and sleeping serpent, nestles. (If you have the opportunity of examining a dissection of the human brain you will see that it is in the form of a coil or snake curled up upon itself.) This is the true meaning of kundalini.

The word kundalini refers to the shakti or power when it is in its dormant potential state, but when it is manifesting, you can call it Devi, Kali, Durga, Saraswati, Lakshmi or any other name according to the manifestation it is exhibiting before you.

In the Christian tradition, the terms ‘the Path of the Initiates’ and ‘the Stairway to Heaven’ used in the Bible, refer to kundalini’s ascent through sushumna nadi. The ascent of kundalini and ultimately, the descent of spiritual grace, are symbolized by the cross. This is why Christians make the sign of the cross at ajna, anahata and vishuddhi chakras, for ajna is the center where the ascending consciousness is transcended and anahata is where the descending grace is made manifest to the world.

Whatever happens in spiritual life, it is related to the awakening of kundalini. And the goal of every form of spiritual life, whether you call it samadhi, nirvana, moksha, communion, union, kaivalya, liberation or whatever, is in fact awakening of kundalini.

KALI AND DURGA

When kundalini has just awakened and you are not able to handle it, it is called Kali. When you can handle it and are able to use it for beneficial purposes and you become powerful on account of it, it is called Durga.

Kali is a female deity, naked, black or smoky in color, wearing a mala of 108 human skulls, representing the memories of different births. Kali’s lolling tongue of blood red color signifies the rajo guna whose circular movement gives impetus to all creative activities. By this specific gesture, she is exhorting the sadhakas to control their rajo guna. The sacrificial sword and the severed head, held by the left hand are the symbols of dissolution. Darkness and death are by no means the mere absence of light and life, rather, they are their origin. The sadhaka worships the cosmic power in its female form, for she represents the kinetic aspect, the masculine being the static which is activated only through her power.

In Hindu mythology, the awakening of Kali has been described in great detail When Kali rises in red anger, all the gods and demons are stunned and every body keeps quiet. They do not know what she is going to do. They ask Lord Shiva to pacify her, but Kali roars ferociously, throwing him down and standing on his chest with her mouth wide open, thirsty for flesh and blood. When the devas hold prayers to pacify Kali, she becomes calm and quiet.

Then there is the emergence of Durga, the higher, more refined and benign KALI AND DURGA

When kundalini has just awakened and you are not able to handle it, it is called Kali. When you can handle it and are able to use it for beneficial purposes and you become powerful on account of it, it is called Durga.

Kali is a female deity, naked, black or smoky in color, wearing a mala of 108 human skulls, representing the memories of different births. Kali’s lolling tongue of blood red color signifies the rajo guna whose circular movement gives impetus to all creative activities. By this specific gesture, she is exhorting the sadhakas to control their rajo guna. The sacrificial sword and the severed head, held by the left hand are the symbols of dissolution. Darkness and death are by no means the mere absence of light and life, rather, they are their origin. The sadhaka worships the cosmic power in its female form, for she represents the kinetic aspect, the masculine being the static which is activated only through her power.

In Hindu mythology, the awakening of Kali has been described in great detail When Kali rises in red anger, all the gods and demons are stunned and every body keeps quiet. They do not know what she is going to do. They ask Lord Shiva to pacify her, but Kali roars ferociously, throwing him down and standing on his chest with her mouth wide open, thirsty for flesh and blood. When the devas hold prayers to pacify Kali, she becomes calm and quiet.

Then there is the emergence of Durga, the higher, more refined and benign symbol of the unconscious. Durga is a beautiful goddess seated on a tiger. She has 8 hands representing the eightfold elements of man. Durga wears a mala of human heads to symbolize her wisdom and power. These heads are generally 52 in number, representing the 52 letters of the Sanskrit alphabet, which are the outer manifestations of Shabda Brahma or Brahma in the form of sound. Durga is the remover of all evil consequences of life and the giver of power and peace that is released from mooladhara.

According to yoga philosophy, Kali, the first manifestation of the unconscious kundalini is a terrible power; it completely subdues the individual soul, represented by her standing on Lord Shiva.

It sometimes happens that by mental instability, some people get in contact with their unconscious body and see inauspicious, ferocious elements— ghosts, monsters, etc. When Kali, the unconscious power of man, is awakened she goes up to meet the further manifestation, being Durga, the superconscious, bestowing glory and beauty.

SYMBOLIC REPRESENTATION

In the tantric texts, kundalini is conceived of as the primal power or energy. In terms of modern psychology, it can be called the unconscious in man. As we have just discussed, in Hindu mythology, kundalini corresponds with the concept of Kali. In the philosophy of Shaivism, the concept of kundalini is represented by the shivalingam, the oval-shaped stone or pillar with a snake coiled around it.

However, most commonly, kundalini is illustrated as a sleeping serpent coiled three and a half times. Of course there is no serpent residing in mooladhara, sahasrara or any other chakra, but the serpent has always been a symbol for efficient consciousness. In all the oldest mystic cults of the world you find the serpent, and if you have seen any pictures or images of Lord Shiva, you will have noticed serpents girdling his waist, neck and arms. Kali is also adorned with serpents and Lord Vishnu eternally reposes on a large coiled serpent.

This serpent power symbolizes the unconscious in man. In Scandinavian, European, Latin American and Middle Eastern countries and many different civilizations of the world, the concept of the serpent power is represented in monuments and ancient artifacts. This means kundalini was known to people from all parts of the world in the past.

However, we can conceive kundalini in any manner we like because actually, prana has no form or dimension, it is infinite.

In the traditional descriptions of kundaljni awakening, it is said that kundalini resides in mooladhara in the form of a coiled snake and when the snake awakens it uncoils and shoots up through sushumna (the psychic passage in the center of the spinal cord), opening the other chakras as it goes. (See Sir John Woodroffe’s The Serpent Power.)

Brahmachari Swami Vyasdev, in his book Science of the Soul, describes the awakening of kundalini in the following way:

“Sadhakas have seen the sushumna in the form of a luminous rod or pillar, a golden yellow snake, or sometimes as a shining black snake about ten inches long with blood red eyes like smouldering charcoal, the front part of the tongue vibrating and shining like lightning, ascending the spinal column.”

The meaning of the coils of the serpent is as follows: The 3 coils represent the 3 matras of Om, which relate to past, present and future; to the gunas: tamas, rajas and sattva; to the 3 states of consciousness: waking, sleeping and dreaming; and to the types of experience: subjective experience, sensual experience and absence of experience. The 1/2 coil represents the state of transcendence, where there is neither waking, sleeping nor dreaming. So, the 3 1/2 coils signify the total experience of the universe and the experience of transcendence.

WHO CAN AWAKEN KUNDALINI

There are many people who have awakened their kundalini. Not only saints and sadhus, but poets, painters, warriors, writers, anyone can awaken their kundalini. With the awakening of kundalini, not only visions of God take place, there is dawning of creative intelligence and an awakening of supramental faculties. By activating kundalini you may become anything in life.

The energy of kundalini is one energy, but it expresses itself differently through the individual psychic centers or chakras— first in gross instinctive ways and then in progressively more subtle ways. Refining of the expression of this energy at higher and more subtle levels of vibration represents the ascent of human consciousness to its highest possibilities.

Kundalini is the creative energy; it is the energy of self-expression. Just as in reproduction a new life is created, in the same way, someone like Einstein uses that same energy in a different, more subtle realm, to create a theory like relativity. It is the same energy that is expressed when someone composes or plays beautiful music. It is the same energy which is expressed in all parts of life, whether it is building up a business, fulfilling the family duties or reaching whatever goal you aspire for. These are all expressions of the same creative energy.

Everybody, whether householder or sannyasin, must remember that awakening of kundalini is the prime purpose of human incarnation. All the pleasures of sensual life which we are enjoying now are intended only to enhance the awakening of kundalini amidst the adverse circumstances of man’s life.

A PROCESS OF METAMORPHOSIS

With the awakening of kundalini, a transformation takes place in life. It has little to do with one’s moral, religious or ethical life. It has more to do with the quality of our experiences and perceptions. When kundalini wakes up your mind changes and your priorities and attachments also change. All your karmas undergo a process of integration.

It is very simple to understand. When you were a child you loved toys, but why don’t you love them now? Because your mind has changed and consequently, your attachments have also changed. So, with the awakening of kundalini, a metamorphosis takes place. There is even the possibility of restructuring the entire physical body. When kundalini awakens, the physical body actually undergoes many changes.

Generally they are positive, but if your guru is not cautious, they can be negative also. When the shakti wakes up, the cells in the body are completely charged and a process of rejuvenation also starts. The voice changes, the smell of the body changes and the hormonal secretions also change. In fact, the transformation of cells in the body and brain takes place at a much higher rate than normal. These are just a few observations. However, scientific researchers are still taking their first steps into this field.

WHY AWAKEN KUNDALINI?

If you want to take up the practice of kundalini yoga, the most important thing is that you have a reason or an aim. If you want to awaken kundalini for psychic powers, then please go ahead with your own destiny. But if you want to awaken kundalini in order to enjoy communion between Shiva and Shakti,the actual communion between the two great forces within you, and if you want to enter samadhi and experience the absolute in the cosmos, and if you want to understand the truth behind the appearance, and if the purpose of your pilgrimage is very great, then there is nothing that can come to you as an obstacle.

By means of kundalini awakening, you are compensating with the laws of nature and speeding up the pace of your physical, mental and spiritual evolution. Once the great shakti awakens, man is no longer a gross physical body operating with a lower mind and low voltage prana. Instead, every cell of his body is charged with the high voltage prana of kundalini. And when total awakening occurs, man becomes a junior god, an embodiment of divinity.

~Swami Satyanada Sarawsati

Swami Sivananda: basics about kundalini awakening

Kundalini energy is the coiled-up, dormant, cosmic power that underlies all organic as well as inorganic matter. It is the primordial energy that lies at the basal Muladhara Chakra in a dormant, potential state. Kundalini Yoga is that Yoga which treats of Kundalini energy, the seven Chakras or centres of spiritual energy, the arousing of the sleeping Kundalini shakti and its union with Shiva in Sahasrara Chakra at the crown of the head. The seven Chakras are pierced by the passing of Kundalini shakti to the top of the head.

Nadis are the astral tubes that carry Pranic currents. They cannot be seen by naked eyes. They are not the ordinary nerves, arteries and veins. There are 72,000 Nadis. Among them three are important. They are Ida, Pingala and Sushumna. Sushumna is the most important one, because Kundalini passes through this Nadi only. The first step in Kundalini Yoga is the purification of Nadis. When Sushumna is pure then only Kundalini will pass through it. Purification of Nadis is done by the practice of Pranayama.

The Yogi opens the mouth of Sushumna Nadi through Pranayama, Bandhas and Mudras and awakens the sleeping Kundalini and takes Her to Sahasrara at the crown of the head through the lower six Chakras.

Kundalini is awakened through Pranayama, Asanas and Mudras by Hatha Yogis, through concentration by Raja Yogis, through devotion and perfect self-surrender by Bhakti yogis or devotees; through analytical will, by the gyan yogis; through chanting of Mantras by mantra yogis, and by the grace of the Guru ( shaktipat)

If you are pure and free from all desires, Kundalini will awaken by itself and you will be benefited. If you awaken Kundalini by violent methods, forcibly, when your heart is impure, when desires lurk in your mind, you will come across temptations of various sorts, when you move from plane to plane, you will have a downfall. You will have no strength of will to resist these temptations.

That aspirant who has firm faith in Yogic System, who is courageous, devotional, humble, generous, merciful, pure and dispassionate, can easily awaken Kundalini and attain success in Samadhi ( cosmic consciousness). He should also be equipped with right conduct and self-restraint; he should constantly engage himself in the service of his Guru and be free from lust, anger, attachments, greed and vanity.

When Kundalini is taken to the Sahasrara, when She is united with Shiva, perfect Samadhi (super-conscious blissful state) ensues. The Yogi drinks the nectar of immortality.

May Mother Kundalini guide you all in your Yogic practices! May Her blessings be upon you all!

~Swami Sivananda~

Kriyas and kundalini

I found this in the kundalini initiates group on facebook, added by the one I receive shaktipat from, and want to share. Enjoy!

Kriya is deeply stored information of action on the karmic level within the physical, emotional, mental and energy bodies. They manifest externally as involuntary jerks and spasms, self regulating breath rhythm, spinal locks and stretches and body arranging itself into asana postures and mudras. Internally they can take the form of surfacing of buried emotions and thoughts , electric vibrations , hot or cold sensations up the spine, visions and out of body sensations and other phenomenon. The external developments can be due due to the sympathetic nervous system information patterns , and the internal implosions due to the para sympathetic aspect of the autonomous nervous system. The degree of expression varies in frequency from light tremors to ground shaking earthquakes , depending upon the karmic accounts of a person who is being infused with kundalini.

Often they can be seizure type impulses related to certain neurotransmitters. In yogic terminology kriyas are element (Three Gunas) purifying movements pushing through blocks in the flow of kundalini. Yoga was reverse engineered through observing the various spontaneously arising positions (asanas) created by kriyas for thousands of years . Whether a voluntary complying with the way the energy wants to go, or involuntary compulsory asanas forcing the flow in conscious recess , both serve the purpose of unfolding and animating new patterns.

The spontaneous convulsions and contorted movements produced by kundalini are nervous stress being released in order to unblock and restructure the tissue to convey greater consciousness. Although they can be seen as convulsive discharges which cause spontaneous firing in the neuro motor areas of the brain , enhancing the brain chemistry and neural mapwork to evolve for a higher vibration capacity.
The only way to progress through is to allow full expression and let go to whatever is happening as an observer. The speed of advancement depends on ones quality of surrender.

The gods of idle fancy

When God say we shall have no other God but Him it doesn't mean that there is another God, but that we shouldn't put our whole trust in something else but Him, like our own or others imaginings instead of Gods truth, or the material realm instead of Gods comfort. In a prayer Bahaullah says on behalf of us: "May I not be reckoned among those who followed the gods of their own idle fancy." I never thought of the possibility that God by gods meant our own imaginations.

Both in the Christian and the Bahai faith God says we shall have no other God. Some Christians believe that people in other religions are literally praying to other Gods, but because Christians believe there is but one God they think other religious people must pray to evil spirits. This is so far out and ignorant. There is love and light and there is lack of it. 

Meningen med livet

Meningen med livet er å forstå Gud mer og mer; hva sannhet er, hva kjærlighet er, hva rettferdighet er osv. Gud er den høyeste realitet og vi streber etter å bryte fri fra de begrensede illusjonene og erfare denne høyeste realitet. Om vi så må rive av oss håret, gråte oss helt bort og ofre all tilknytning til verden så gjør vi hva vi kan for å erfare den. Og lengselen etter det høyeste driver oss. En lengsel som ikke er uavhengig av Gud selv.

When reserved people meet

Yesterday a reserved person met a reserved person. What happened? Even though they both hate small-talk one of them started talking small to the other. If the goal was to connect it wasn't a good idea, because the other was reserved because of emotional tension and wasn't able to give answers on that level. So she broke down instead and he got frustrated that she couldn't connect. Did he even try to find her?

When a reserved person meets a reserved person I bet he feels inadequate, even though he may not be fully aware of it, because a reserved person is not one that do what he can to make people feel good in their presence and he is not the one that reach out and comfort people who feels insecure, troubled and vulnerable. Perhaps his safe place becomes a prison for him in situations like this? The reserved person is hard to engage, hard to satisfy, and does very little himself to do the same.

Søren Kierkegaard on helping: 

“If one is truly to succeed in leading a person to a specific place, one must first and foremost take care to find him where he is and begin there. This is the secret in the entire art of helping.

Anyone who cannot do this is himself under a delusion if he thinks he is able to help someone else. In order truly to help someone else, I must understand more than he, but certainly first and foremost understand what he understands.
If I do not do that, then my greater understanding does not help him at all. If I nevertheless want to assert my greater understanding, then it is because I am vain or proud, then basically instead of benefiting him I really want to be admired by him.
But all true helping begins with a humbling.
The helper must first humble himself under the person he wants to help and thereby understand that to help is not to dominate but to serve, that to help is a not to be the most dominating but the most patient, that to help is a willingness for the time being to put up with being in the wrong and not understanding what the other understands.”

At times I have got annoyed by people who are reserved from themselves. Utterly helpful towards others, but shut out from themselves as by a wall. "Oh, God, they must be insecure", I have thought. That is a projection, of course, because I have been like that myself when I felt insignificant. More or less shut out from myself dependent on how much I could accept myself. The stupid thing is I was dissappointed that people didn't care about me, didn't ask about me, even though it was me who had made myself inaccessible, too insecure about myself and my life.

So I have met a man who is reserved from others most of the time while I am reserved from myself most of the time I'm with others. A good combination, you think? It is potential for growth here. He can try to be more forthcoming and caring and I can try to be more open and honest even though I am afraid he will judge me. I can try to be fine with what ever he thinks about me. As long as he doesn't seem to care I can not open up for him, so he must start by reaching out. In a way tell me that he wants to know me, with an open mind and a comforting heart.

I met a guy who reminds me of daddy

I have met a guy and spent a few weeks with him. It's like the love I had for my dad when I was little and that I have missed feeling for him as an adult is back, but now this guy is the object for it. He looks a little like him and acts a little like him and is receptive for my love quite a bit. I have talked to him about it and he is not sure if it is a good thing or not. Perhaps it's not good. Probably it is both good and bad, just like my dad was.

Reserved is one thing they have in common. And that is a challange for sure, making me insecure, and tired after trying to connect and fail over and over again. I withdraw in the end and become reserved myself, dissappointed for not getting him hooked on anything I talk about. Then he complains because I am reserved and shutting him out. We have talked about this.

Another challange is that he has expectations that I am sure I don't fullfill. It makes me insecure knowing that I dissappoint him. In the beginning I expected outbursts because of it, but they didn't come. He doesn't want to get angry. He wants to accept what is, be relaxed. He is very sensitive to how I feel and how much attention I give him. 

He is very interested in moving towards nearness, to recognize our defences and handle things differently. He has suggested me to read a book written by Hanne Hostrup: "Kærestebilleder." It is interesting. But listen to this: